The Order of the Soft Sofa

Of Candidates

Admission

Membership is by invitation, and invitations are rare

The Order does not accept applications, and this page is not an invitation to submit one. It is offered only so that guests, and those who have wandered in by mistake, may understand how members come to be members, and why there are so few of them.

Nomination

A candidate is proposed by one member and seconded by another. The proposal is made aloud at a session, usually while the candidate is out of the room fetching more tea. It must be supported by an account of at least one occasion on which the candidate was seen to begin something with great enthusiasm and then, with equal enthusiasm, to talk about it instead.

Qualities Sought

The Order looks for:

  1. A natural gift for conversation, and in particular the ability to follow a subject into territory that has nothing to do with it.
  2. Patience with the teapot, since the Order's sessions cannot begin until the tea is ready.
  3. A healthy distrust of deadlines, combined with the good manners never to say so out loud.
  4. Discretion. What is said on the sofa stays on the sofa, partly from loyalty and partly because nobody can remember it afterwards.

Disqualifications

A candidate may be found unsuitable for any of the following: habitual punctuality; the keeping of lists; the phrase “let's wrap this up”; and, gravest of all, the habit of asking what the next steps are.

The Ballot

Older societies voted with white and black balls. The Order uses cushions. Each member places a cushion either beside the candidate's name or on their own seat. A single cushion withheld is enough to defer the matter to a later session, which in practice means the matter is never raised again, and the candidate is quietly admitted anyway out of general fondness.

The Admission

The new member is invited to sit on the lower cushion and to speak, without notes, on any subject of their choosing for as long as they like. They are considered admitted when the other members have forgotten what the subject was. The motto is then spoken, a fresh pot is made, and the new member is given a title, which the Order will tell them about later.

Members of the Order may enter the private part of this site from the Members link above.